Let's Take It Easy

Lately I’ve been reading a paperback of Black Rain.
I bought it at Mandarake in Nakano, and the previous owner had drawn double lines in pencil here and there and written notes, which reminded me that I used to do the same in my Japanese textbooks…
When I properly read books I’ve bought or use up ingredients without letting them go bad, I feel like I’m doing something good.

It’s already August, and the plan for my first-year film keeps wavering.
It’s not the tools’ fault, but when I draw with a pen tablet, I feel like the drawing will never be settled.
(Without the feel of the pen tip scratching into paper, somehow…)
When I thought about why the story keeps wobbling so much, I realized it may be because the “anger” that motivated the film keeps cooling as time passes.
My present self is acting as a mediator with my past self, saying “no need to be so angry,” so the story won’t settle.
I want to win the fight against the inner voice that gouges my heart.

Last week I went to the annual fireworks festival at Seibu-en amusement park.
I’d always felt a sense of mission, like “if I don’t go, who knows when it’ll disappear,”
but the part-time staff were working hard, and of course, I realized that for some people the place I feel romantic about is just their real-life part-time job.
And I learned a life lesson: “Chasing romance and retracing memories never gives you the same thrill as the first time.” I thought, just a little, that memories are like a drug…
But when I watched a huge golden firework bloom and fade, I almost cried.